Push Me Down

I am so tired of being made the bad guy all the time. Of being pushed away when my friends have a problem. Of being told they can't trust me. Right, yeah, okay. I am so tired of being the only one who hears the "honesty" but the minute I say what's honestly on my mind I'm some kind of crazy person.

I'm hurt because someone would do all of this to me and say they were my friend. I'm confused because it always gets turned around on me, and they say it's the other way around. I'm tired because it seems like this is a vicious cycle and they will never see a need for change.

At the end of all of this though, is forgiveness. I'm sure they don't think that I have truly forgiven them, and that's their issue. But see, I know they will never apologize. I know they will never see that they might have been wrong for treating me like they did. Treating me like yesterday's garbage when they had a bad day. Or lying and saying everything was fine because they thought I didn't care. For all of that, they are forgiven. And they can walk away, that's their decision.

But James hit it right on the nose when he said "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" We spend so much time finding a reason to be mad at someone that we cannot see what we did wrong ourselves. He also said "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." I truly believe that. Was I perfect with what happened? I'm gonna say probably not. But at least my conscience is clear with being willing to take the first step and forgive them.