Have you ever thought a fresh start would be the answer? I have. And about a year ago I started going to a new church, and I not trying to put it down. But I am saying there is something wrong with how things are done in mainstream churches these days. And maybe this topic is totally taboo. But whatever.
My whole life I felt like an outsider. At my old church (one of Dallas' most recognized mega-churches) my brother was in every select choir the church offered high school students. And I'm not saying he didn't deserve it, because he did. He has an amazing voice and has worked hard to develope it. But this church was really good at playing favorites. And as the sister of a favorite, it was very hard to live in his shadow. I never had a chance. I never got a solo, a lead in a play or got picked for a select choir. It was tough and I hated it. I hated church, I hated the leadership and eventually I left.
I started going to a new church. And no one knew me, save a few people. But it was great to be around people who didn't know my family. I wasn't in a shadow anymore. After a while I started working with the youth and it was great. Eventually I even made some friends. But recently things haven felt different. Maybe the longer you're exposed to something the more disenchanted you become.
I started noticing the same things that I had battled at my old church. On a smaller scale, of course, but they were still there. And it's hard to see this. It's hard to feel like an outcast in a place where God is supposed to be. Ok, maybe outcast is too big of a word. But you get the drift. Socially unacceptable might be the better term.
Like I said, I'm not trying to bring down my church because there are tons of things I love about it, too. I just feel like the truth should be brought to light. Even if no one wants to hear it... or say it.
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ReplyDeleteJenn is there anything in particular? I know its easy for folks to get comfortable with their groups and forget to look outside them - even in the church.
What can we do to avoid that/fix it?
I'm not sure if there is anything that will bring about an instant change. I think for me, personally, it has always been very difficult to find good friends, even in a church, and I feel that shouldn't be the case. It might have to do with the lack of attendance in my age group, the 20 somethings. And while I love working with the youth, I am finding it hard to even have any close friends because it does seem that so many are very comfortable with their group and no interested in making friends with a "newbie".
ReplyDeleteI think those are some very good and valid points. I've heard similar sentiments from others. I think part of it is just human nature and even partially a good thing. But also a devastating thing as I've been in your shoes before as well.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that many people have close groups because they've been involved with others in close settings before rather than just on Sunday morning. So its great that many have those close relationships -- but its not great because as people we naturally congregate towards those we're familiar with and know.
It takes a little bit of sticking your head out -- on both sides of the coin to build further/intentional relationships. Sometimes its just asking someone to join you for coffee or food after church - sometimes its really spending several weeks with someone.
I have a personal challenge (that I haven't done too good at lately) that I've nicknamed the Intentional Challenge ::
1. Meet someone new each Sunday morning.
2. Call/talk to someone during the week. Whether it's an old friend or a new one - make a point to call and talk with someone during the week.
3. Invite someone to dinner or coffee once a week.
Like I said - I haven't been too good at all of these lately, but it's been great to see relationships grow out of one or all three of these areas.
I hope you know that you're always welcome to come join our group on Saturday nights. We have a very diverse group and have a great time -- I think you'd enjoy it. In fact the Saturday after Christmas we're doing a game night at 6 p.m. so you're more than welcome to come hang out with us and see if you might be interested in joining us further.
I'll be praying for you and hoping that others are more willing to stick their neck out to build intentional relationships.
"And they will know you are my disciples by your love."